Shows what can happen if you don't keep a tight leash!
ShowMeSciFi
Goddess of Scifi's star trek challenge...
Here you go Goddess of SciFi, here is my entry to A gift for Kirk, part 2
GoAnimate.com: Late show with Palin
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Why did I get Seven?
Was it because I wanted a sexy female figure to lure the men?
Of course not - Have you seen me? If it was to lure the men, would I have dressed her up in a silver condom? I think not!
Was it to anger the Borg Queen?
That wasn't the intention, but I do like how that panned out!
Was it to gain a technological advantage over other species in the Delta Quadrant?
Not really as Voyager already had that the minute we arrived. To be honest I think I could have turned up in a garbage scow called Galactica and still had the advantage!
So what was the real reason?
Well, at the time there was a huge fad encompassing the federation and i just didn't want to be left out, but as is my nature, needed to go one better. Seven of nine was intended to be my tamogotchi!
Don't believe me - I even had a friend of mine make an advert!
Chacotay time!
Only the other week I was sat in my ready room tucking into a fresh mug of tea - LMFAO!!! Of course it was coffee, black just the way I like it when over the comm came an emergency message from Chacotay.
"Ahhhhhh, help me!!!!!" Of course I had to wait a few seconds whilst the translator deciphered the high-pitched girly screams.
"Help me. A giant Targ is loose on deck six and it has my scent" Doesn't everyone? i thought to myself as i took a long sip of my columbian coffee and the screaming continued.
"Oh my god it's got my leg! It's mauling me...HELP me....I want my mummy!"
It was at that moment, as i smiled to myself, that Tuvok entered to inform me that there was indeed an unknown lifeform on deck six near Chacotay's location. I said thank you and turned up the volume of the comm -something soothing about it. I would have let the screams continue, but Tuvok then informed me that there was a delay in making the last insurance premium on Chacotay and he was no longer insured for accidental injury or death.
I dropped my coffee grabbed mr happy and activated the transporter. Couldn't stop laughing at the Targ that was mauling Chacotay...
Is this really scary, even to the Chacotay's of the world?
Kathryn.
Innovations - Hoverboard
So I was watching this thing in Tom's Quarters called a film titled "Back to the future". Now not sure what all the fuss is about, it's not like we haven't dabbled with the timeline ourselves. But their shuttle craft - the USS Delorian, is by no means pretty on the eyes! Wires everywhere and hardly enough room to swing a dead Neelix. More importantly, where is the weapons array on that monster?
Anyway, something in this caught my eye a hover-board! Overnight I put together a basic design for Belanna :
Nice isn't it? I slept well imagining tearing round a planet on one of these beasts whilst fighting off the enemy. My plan was to incorporate a tetranite shield emitter which would make this beast space worthy (only for an hour or two but fun all the same) and of course after stage one testing, the obligatory phazers, mini-torpedo launcher and plasma cannon all linked to infrared targeting, would be installed and it would be ready for use!
Well, first things first - Belanna couldn't get to grips with the hover aspect. I tried to convince her using the usual techniques, persuasion, negotiation and headlock, that it would work but she was having none of it!
So we moved onto the weapons aspects. All weapons were installed and looked pretty nice. All fired without draining too much power either. Well done Belanna! However, Belanna took it upon herself to alter the schematics for the targeting system. She changed it from infrared to thermal detection. Not good when the hottest thing in sensor range, is the engine of the hover-board!
Good news though, the shield worked a treat. As the thing couldn't fly at the time, we tested it by having a crewman stand on it in the shuttle bay with the shield at maximum. We then decompressed the shuttle bay and watched. to my amazement the shield kept the crewman on the hover-board and maintained a stable environment within. Unfortunately, it was as they were being sucked out of the bay doors that I realized that as the engines were not operational yet, the only way to get him back was via transport and to do this he would have to let down the shield, which in turn would kill him. Oh well, whatever it took to get back my board.
Anyway, to sum up, the thing is still in development. It has prospects but i need Belanna to make it more user friendly, appealing to look at, smaller, needs to fly and the targeting needs altering. For those interested, I include a still taken from the testing range as of yesterday morning. It is the stage 4 prototype:
Don't think I want to be seen dead on that!
What do you guys think? Good, bad or ugly?
Kathryn.
New starfleet lego dolls
While i think they messed my doll up somewhat, I think starfleet did a good job on other members of the crew. From left to right we have Chacotay, Tom, Harry, Belanna and of course the Tuvok
What do we all think? Good job or Chacotay effort?
Memory lane
For the plan to work, I had to wear this -
You can imagine I looked stunning in that getup - worked my thang! To make the plan work, I needed to sneak into Chacotay's quaters and place a smoke machine under his bed. Then wake him up by doing a little dance routine, chant a little and maybe bang a drum. In his sleepy daze, drool everywhere, I told him Harry would come onto the bridge carrying a pot of battery acid disguised as a coffee mug the following morning and that he would throw it in his face, disfiguring Chacotay for life. Then set off the smoke machine with my foot and beamed out using the smoke as cover.
The following morning, on my way to the bridge I made sure I asked Harry to pick up a cup of coffee from the mess on his way. To my surprise, Chacotay was already on the bridge and watching the turbolift like a hawk. I sat, pushed Chacotay's chair as far as my feet would kick it, and watched as the doors opened to reveal Harry holding the coffee mug.
Chacotay launched out of his chair and straight for Harry. Watching those two fight reminded me of my primary school days. Hair pulling, name calling - crying!
Of course, I know the question you're all dying to answer, well the answer is yes. Yes I did catch my coffee before it hit the floor! Sat back and enjoyed Kindergarten smackdown
Kathryn
Website of the week
Perfect little site to provide a few hours of fun. Instead of uploading a picture of your animal try someone such as Chacotay. You can dress him, change his voice and even make them say just how good you are!
INNOVATION - MRS Happy
This was to be the phazor of all phazors. It was supposed to surpass even my trusty Mr Happy in terms of power, style and ease of use. However, Belanna managed to mess that up!
The specifications were that it had to be approximately the same size as Mr Happy, look similar but have twin multi-directional phazors, inbuilt pulse gun along with a type 1 deflector. I also asked if she could throw in a phaze cannon attached to the barrel but knew it would be a long shot at best.
Well what can I say about this beast? What should have become my new best friend, never even made it off the testing range.
Firstly, the multidirectional phazors worked rather well. The energy consumption was dramatically reduced by over a third however the targeting array kept frying and melting the trigger mechanism in the process leaving the user ducking for cover as the thing fired shots off at random locations.
Secondly, the type 1 deflector just couldn't be incorporated correctly. We all ways ended up with everything being deflected away from the unit - including the user. I lost 17 members of my crew testing this!
Third was the phaze cannon. I have to commend Belanna on at least trying to incorporate this into the unit. However, whilst charging, the thing would overload dispensing the charge into the unit instantly frying the user. Another 8 crew members sacrificed themselves on this part of the project.
Then we come to the style of the unit. Just because I wanted to name it Mrs Happy doesn't mean it had to look like something Chacotay made on the funny farm. Put simply, there was just no way I was taking that thing anywhere! Although I did send it to the Borg Queen on her birthday. You can only imagine the look on her face when she tried that out - kept me going for weeks!
PROJECT - Mrs Happy (Phasor Mark 15)
OUTCOME - Failure, although a success in that we got the Borg Queen good!
TOTAL COST - 25 Crew members, 47 phasor coils, 24 pots of glitter, 6 tubs of glue and 2 pairs of safety scissors. - Yes Chacotay tried to help!
Kathryn,
INNOVATIONS - Matrix Coat
Pretty much was supposed to do what it said on the tin. Long, black leather number with plenty of room room for Mr Happy, that when worn gives me the ability to fly around like Neo!
To cut along story short, Belanna never got very far with this. In fact, I think the only step she took that was successful was to replicate the coat. I'm not going to say too much about the unveiling but I will say I wasn't convinced with Belanna's efforts to make me think it worked. Pretending to move slow in the hope I would be deceived into believing I was moving cheeta-fast, was pretty weak. I thought I taught her better than that? I won't even mention the wires used to hoist me round the room when I jumped, they were more obvious that Seska's inevitable betrayal!
Anyway, needless to say the product failed and Belanna suffered for it!
PRODUCT - Matrix coat (Black - size 12)
OUTCOME - Failure!
TOTAL COST - Belanna's dignity.
Kathryn.
What's up with Kes?
I get lots of people asking me "what's up with Kes?" Well, the simple truth is not much apart from the mind staples I gave her that is!
The reason being, she was getting a tad too big for her boots and I needed some way of controlling her telepathy without it being traced back to me. I had the EMH create a staple to block her abilities. Unfortunately, a side effect was that it worked too well and made her very laid back. She spent most of the time wondering aimlessly, as if she had inhaled a room full of tetracell white. She was obviously off her face, as she even began a relationship with my cat Felix.
After a while, she managed to overcome the staples and escaped, only to return when she realized who was responsible. I had to create a hologram of her just to stop her ripping the ship apart!
Anyway, all ended well apart from the fact I never managed to harness the telepathic abilities for myself. Belanna failed yet again in her duties.
MISSION LOG - Emanations
Mission Log - 'Emanations'
Another tell all account of the real version of events that Starfleet tried to cover up.
According to Starfleet records...
Whilst on a planet full of dead people, Harry disappears and is transported to another planet. It turns out, the people from this dimension use the planet Harry had come from as a place to send their dead. As a result, they believe Harry has come from the afterlife. He eventually uses the cenopath he arrived in to transport back to his own dimension just as the U.S.S Voyager is about to leave. The transition kills him, but luckily the EMH is able to revive the ensign.
What actually happened...
I set the whole thing up having read about the planet in the 'Kason book of Myths and Legends' I thought it was worth the effort, if only to be rid of Harry for a single day. No more homesick ensign crying for his mommy every five minutes. What I failed to take into account was that Harry, God only knows how, found a way to return just as I was putting my foot down on the accelerator. Unfortunately, Tuvok's sensors picked up Harry's comm signal and he beamed him aboard just before we got out of range.
Neelix revealed
The truth about Neelix is, he never actually existed! I just needed somebody to run the Mess Hall who wouldn't complain or let out the big secret. I couldn't risk anyone finding out about my secret food stash - could you imagine?
I decided the best course of action was to make the crew believe my cat, Felix was a humanoid. As we all know the crew aren't exactly the brightest bunch, so when I stuck a pair of Chacotay's boxer shorts on my cat they were easily convinced and the plan went into action.
Must admit, getting the computer to understand Cat-speak was the hardest part of this epic seven year master-plan, but hell, If it could understand Chacotay - I knew I could get it to work! For the first few months it was temperamental and kept making Felix sound like a stuck-up Englishman but we got there in the end.
After a few years, things were going well apart from everyone complaining about the quality of the food and the limited range with a heavy emphasis on fish based dishes. - What did they expect from a cat in boxer shorts? Then Tom began to put things together. Constantly sniffing the crew, sitting on their laps when they're trying to read a PADD, peeing in the corner of the Mess and hissing at everyone were only a few of the warning signs that led Tom to his discovery.
If it had been anyone else, I'd have disappeared them in a shuttle accident or have them fall down a turbo-lift shaft. But as this was Tom, I made the tough decision to say my goodbyes to Felix and share my food stash with Tom.
Don't believe me...
Till next time,
Kathryn.
Really cool LCARS website!
Found this today whilst browsing aimlessly though the bowels of the Internet. No adult sites. I was actually looking for a babysitter qualified enough to look after Harry - surprise there isn't one!
The whole thing is done as though I was at my console. Have this on my PADD so whenever I'm out and about in the, God forbid me, out-doors I can access this and I feel right at home - especially when I push the Red Alert button!
Unacceptable toy model.
I have just been forwarded the proof of me in toy form. This is what Starfleet think is acceptable as a toy? It looks nothing like me! It looks more like Chacotay in drag!
I think I'll be having some words with the peeps at Starfleet intel about how best to please a captain. I mean really? who would buy that thing?
I mean what's with the hips? I've never given birth to a hippo - sideways! If that was representative, I'd get stuck in the turbo-lift doors! More importantly, what's with my shovel hands? How would I be able to hold Mr Happy and grip the trigger firmly for those epic battles
during the Barneys sale?
Absolutely no thought in this whatsoever! Intend to send it back with a
suggestion of where to stick it. If they release this onto the open market, I will be a laughing stock!
The real Chacotay...
Okay, if this is going to be a bare all blog, I should start at the very beginning, it's a very good place to start. Dear old Chacotay was in fact more intelligent than a melon when he first came onboard my ship.
Unfortunately, it was during a night in mid October when his head accidently collided with my hair bun that he lost the use the majority of his brain functions. If only Neelix hadn't walked in with my fresh mug of coffee at the exact same time as Chacotay was sitting down.
Oh barely a night goes by without me replaying the events of that horrific night, the night that caused the downfall of the Janeway-Bun! Oh and of course I'm really sorry about chuckles too, sent him a cake - a bun cake!
Getting started
Wow! Look at me go! First Starfleet Captain to get with the Blogging - What would Peeeecarrd say?
