Memory lane

There was this one time when I was bored and knew there was at least three hours before the nearest Borg cube was in range and needed something to take my mind off the wait. After much deliberation, I decided to see if Tuvok's theory had any merit. Surprise - it did!

For the plan to work, I had to wear this -

You can imagine I looked stunning in that getup - worked my thang! To make the plan work, I needed to sneak into Chacotay's quaters and place a smoke machine under his bed. Then wake him up by doing a little dance routine, chant a little and maybe bang a drum. In his sleepy daze, drool everywhere, I told him Harry would come onto the bridge carrying a pot of battery acid disguised as a coffee mug the following morning and that he would throw it in his face, disfiguring Chacotay for life. Then set off the smoke machine with my foot and beamed out using the smoke as cover.

The following morning, on my way to the bridge I made sure I asked Harry to pick up a cup of coffee from the mess on his way. To my surprise, Chacotay was already on the bridge and watching the turbolift like a hawk. I sat, pushed Chacotay's chair as far as my feet would kick it, and watched as the doors opened to reveal Harry holding the coffee mug.

Chacotay launched out of his chair and straight for Harry. Watching those two fight reminded me of my primary school days. Hair pulling,  name calling - crying! 

Of course, I know the question you're all dying to answer, well the answer is yes. Yes I did catch my coffee before it hit the floor! Sat back and enjoyed Kindergarten smackdown

Kathryn

Neelix revealed

The truth about Neelix is, he never actually existed! I just needed somebody to run the Mess Hall who wouldn't complain or let out the big secret. I couldn't risk anyone finding out about my secret food stash - could you imagine? 

I decided the best course of action was to make the crew believe my cat, Felix was a humanoid. As we all know the crew aren't exactly the brightest bunch, so when I stuck a pair of Chacotay's boxer shorts on my cat they were easily convinced and the plan went into action. 

Must admit, getting the computer to understand Cat-speak was the hardest part of this epic seven year master-plan, but hell, If it could understand Chacotay - I knew I could get it to work! For the first few months it was temperamental and kept making Felix sound like a stuck-up Englishman but we got there in the end.

After a few years, things were going well apart from everyone complaining about the quality of the food and the limited range with a heavy emphasis on fish based dishes. - What did they expect from a cat in boxer shorts? Then Tom began to put things together. Constantly sniffing the crew, sitting on their laps when they're trying to read a PADD, peeing in the corner of the Mess and hissing at everyone were only a few of the warning signs that led Tom to his discovery.

If it had been anyone else, I'd have disappeared them in a shuttle accident or have them fall down a turbo-lift shaft. But as this was Tom, I made the tough decision to say my goodbyes to Felix and share my food stash with Tom.

Don't believe me...

Till next time,

Kathryn.