The truth about Neelix is, he never actually existed! I just needed somebody to run the Mess Hall who wouldn't complain or let out the big secret. I couldn't risk anyone finding out about my secret food stash - could you imagine?
I decided the best course of action was to make the crew believe my cat, Felix was a humanoid. As we all know the crew aren't exactly the brightest bunch, so when I stuck a pair of Chacotay's boxer shorts on my cat they were easily convinced and the plan went into action.
Must admit, getting the computer to understand Cat-speak was the hardest part of this epic seven year master-plan, but hell, If it could understand Chacotay - I knew I could get it to work! For the first few months it was temperamental and kept making Felix sound like a stuck-up Englishman but we got there in the end.
After a few years, things were going well apart from everyone complaining about the quality of the food and the limited range with a heavy emphasis on fish based dishes. - What did they expect from a cat in boxer shorts? Then Tom began to put things together. Constantly sniffing the crew, sitting on their laps when they're trying to read a PADD, peeing in the corner of the Mess and hissing at everyone were only a few of the warning signs that led Tom to his discovery.
If it had been anyone else, I'd have disappeared them in a shuttle accident or have them fall down a turbo-lift shaft. But as this was Tom, I made the tough decision to say my goodbyes to Felix and share my food stash with Tom.
Don't believe me...
Till next time,
Kathryn.
