About

Kathryn Janeway, Captain of the Starship Voyager. I am here to tell all about Starfleet. Uncover the deception, the lies and the damn right incompetence at the heart of the Federation. Oh, and a few other things too!

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Showing posts with label starfleet. Show all posts
Showing posts with label starfleet. Show all posts

MISSION LOG - Emanations

Mission Log - 'Emanations'
Another tell all account of the real version of events that Starfleet tried to cover up.

According to Starfleet records...

Whilst on a planet full of dead people, Harry disappears and is transported to another planet. It turns out, the people from this dimension use the planet Harry had come from as a place to send their dead. As a result, they believe Harry has come from the afterlife. He eventually uses the cenopath he arrived in to transport back to his own dimension just as the U.S.S Voyager is about to leave. The transition kills him, but luckily the EMH is able to revive the ensign.

What actually happened...

I set the whole thing up having read about the planet in the 'Kason book of Myths and Legends' I thought it was worth the effort, if only to be rid of Harry for a single day. No more homesick ensign crying for his mommy every five minutes. What I failed to take into account was that Harry, God only knows how, found a way to return just as I was putting my foot down on the accelerator. Unfortunately, Tuvok's sensors picked up Harry's comm signal and he beamed him aboard just before we got out of range.

Unacceptable toy model.

I have just been forwarded the proof of me in toy form. This is what Starfleet think is acceptable as a toy? It looks nothing like me! It looks more like Chacotay in drag!

I think I'll be having some words with the peeps at Starfleet intel about how best to please a captain. I mean really? who would buy that thing? 

I mean what's with the hips? I've never given birth to a hippo - sideways! If that was representative, I'd get stuck in the turbo-lift doors! More importantly, what's with my shovel hands? How would I be able to hold Mr Happy and grip the trigger firmly for those epic battles 
during the Barneys sale?

Absolutely no thought in this whatsoever! Intend to send it back with a
 suggestion of where to stick it. If they release this onto the open market, I will be a laughing stock!

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